We are all about sex and relationships over here which means we focus a lot on dating and coupledom. For your New Year’s Resolution this year we want to focus on YOU! First of all, we want to acknowledge that being human is intense. The very fact of self-awareness, that which sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom, means we can’t seem to just go about our business, unselfconsciously living in the present moment. Instead, we rehash the past, worry about the future, and obsess over our many quirky obsessions. This New Years, we want to share our secrets to having more ease and pleasure in our lives so you can be more present have more ease and pleasure too! We teach all of them in our Somatica Training – so feel free to join us for our next Free Intro and make your New Year’s Resolutions come true!!!
Our Top 5 Pleasure Secrets
- Connect to Your Body: Being more deeply connected with your bodies is a huge resource to keep you feeling a sense of ease and pleasure. It turns out that sensations only exist in the present moment so, by feeling the sensations in your body and especially by focusing on the pleasurable ones, you can come more into the present moment and feel and enjoy your life. Try it right now. Take a deep breath and focus on a part of your body that feels good or a sensation in your body you like, like warmth or softness. Keep breathing and let the sensation build and be enhanced by your breath. You might notice that looking around the room with this focus on pleasure makes everything around you more bright and vivid.
- Be Gentle on Yourself: Think of how much time you spend saying mean things to yourself about how you are screwing up. This voice creates so much tension and stress for you and it really doesn’t help with anything. It’s a vestige of past hurts that you carry with you now and you no longer need it. What you really need, and what we want you to cultivate is a counter-voice to that voice (which will hopefully replace it altogether one day). This fabulous, magnanimous counter-voice can be like a santa’s magic elf or a solstice unicorn (what, it’s the holidays, we can’t help it!) Every time you say something mean to yourself, this voice pops up and says the opposite. Your inner critic says “You’re so stupid, you never do this right,” your cheerful elf says, “You’re so smart, you do all sorts of things right all the time!” Your mean, little voice says, “You don’t need anyone, anyway, so screw them,” and your confident unicorn says, “Of course you need people, everyone does, and it’s ok to express your needs.” It’s always good to remember you are doing your best, celebrate your accomplishments, and forgive yourself for mistakes.
- Attend to Your Sensitivities: We have noticed that the more we try to power through and get over things instead of attending to our sensitivities, the more our lives are full of irritations and explosions. If you spend a lot of time telling yourself you should be over things by now, you shouldn’t be so sensitive, or you can make it through one more day, it’s time to try something much more pleasant and efficient. You might think that attending to your sensitivities is wasting time, but you really waste time having to clean up all of the tensions and misunderstandings that come from not attending to your feelings. The more you honor, attend to, and communicate your sensitivities in non-blaming ways, the more time you feel relaxed, safe, and peaceful.
- Employ Your Tools: If you are like us, you have gathered many tools over your life that you know it would be helpful to use, but you don’t. The reason most people don’t use the tools they’ve gathered is that it is very difficult to make new habits. When you first start, it is like slogging through a thick swamp. Everything in your body wants to take the same old familiar path even though you know it won’t go well. Little changes go a long way. Let’s take active listening for example. Most of you have probably learned that it is really helpful to listen to what someone else is telling you and really make sure you’ve gotten it right by saying it back and making sure you’ve got it. That being said, how many times have you actually don’t this in the middle of a fight? Believe us, we get it, it took us years of employing the same old defensive, yucky strategies before we made the switch and, even now, we don’t do it perfectly, but we do it! And, you know what, it is amazing how much more quickly we resolve painful or challenging arguments. Think of some tools that you’ve learned that you really want to start using, focus on one at a time and see if you can make yourself a new, yummier habit!
- Learn About and Embrace Your Turn-Ons: If you’ve spent your life not knowing what really gives you pleasure physically or what turns you on psychologically, now is the time to get to know yourself in this realm. Sex and masturbation can create more ease and pleasure in so many ways. Sexual arousal and release are amazing tension-relievers. Sex lowers anxiety, it makes you feel seen and loved for who you are, it’s a natural hormone-balancer and anti-depressant, and it helps you feel more connected and committed to your partner. You can learn about your turn-ons by trying different kinds of masturbation, reading sexy stories and watching sexy movies, or letting your fantasies run wild. Notices what sensations you like the best and, no matter what it is that turns you on, see if you can bring loving acceptance to it. Your desires are an essential part of you and, whether or not you can get them met, they are beautiful!