Tag: hot sex

If you want to experience your own personal growth around sex and help your clients to do so as well, it is essential to understand what makes you and the people around you tick when it comes to sex. We find that one of the best ways to think about what turns people on is the idea of a Hottest Sexual Movie – and we aren’t talking about what’s playing at a theater near you. Whether they are conscious of it or not, the majority of people walk through the world with one or more sexual “movies” circulating in their imagination. These Hottest Sexual Movies include images and ideas of how they want sex to look, what feelings they want to have, and what kind of experiences they want to play out in their sex lives. The characters may change, but (and this is very important!) the themes generally stay the same.

While most people have the ability to enjoy multiple forms of seduction, a person’s primary sexual movie brings them the most arousal and intensity. People often try and suppress their fantasies for fear that they will not be able to make them a reality or because they are ashamed of them. We encourage you to fully explore and flesh out your fantasies and to help your clients do this as well. A more exciting and fulfilling sex life is right around the corner for people who get to the bottom of their actual sexual needs and desires.

The process of finding and articulating your Hottest Sexual Movie has 3​ steps, you should go through them yourself before trying to take a client through them!

Step 1: Become a Self-Detective
While many people look for answers about what “should” turn them on from professionals, friends, the media, etc. becoming a self-detective and guiding others to do so is actually much more helpful. Before starting the self-detective process or helping a client to do so, begin with an attitude of curiosity and non-judgment. You or your clients may find that some of what turns people on is more accepted by society and other parts are less accepted. If any thoughts bring up shame or guilt, start by thinking of them as desires not actions. Remember and remind those you are helping that, as long as any enactment of them is between consenting adults, there is nothing to be ashamed of!

Once you are in a non-judgmental place, dig into your fantasies. Whether they are overtly sexual or not is unimportant, just start to pay attention to what you think when you start to drift off. What are your daydreams about you and anyone to whom you are attracted? What kinds of thoughts get you turned on?

Next, think back on the books and movies that have gotten you most aroused as well as the sexual experiences that you’ve had that were the biggest turn-on. They might be romantic, full of passion and intrigue, torture or other types of BDSM, or any sorts of themes from porn that you watch or erotic stories you read. Think of the scenes and the moments in those scenes that are the real zingers. You may want to do some writing on all of this to really pinpoint your turn-ons.

Step 2: Identify the Underlying Feeling You Want to Have
As you explore the data you have gathered try to identify the kinds of feelings that you are having or making others have and see which ones seem most relevant and exciting to you. For example, you might want to feel or make others feel powerful, taken, degraded, surprised, in danger, cared for, precious, teased, indulgent, loved, denied, adored, abused, seen, desired, powerless, known, punished accepted, etc.

If you fantasize about sex in public places, this might be a fantasy of being so desirable your partner would have sex with you anywhere. It also might be a fantasy of wanting to be seen (exhibitionism) or of being in danger (of being caught). If your fantasy is of your partner surprising you with a five-course dinner at your favorite, fancy restaurant, it might be a fantasy of being cared for (they planned it) or known (they knew it was your favorite restaurant), or it could be a fantasy of indulgence (five-course and fancy) or of surprise. Make a list of the feeling or feelings that seem to be most linked to your arousal.

Step 3: Draft your Hottest Sexual Movie
It is one thing to passively fantasize, watch, read or allow others to do their best to give you what you want, but we want you to take it one step further and help your clients do the same. With everything you now know about what turns you on, write your own scene (or, even better, many different scenes), that will invoke these feelings in you. While you might not want to act on everything you find that turns you on, all of it can be incorporated into our sex life in one way or another. See what you actually want to experience, what you want to share in bed with your partner (for example, what you’d like to say to them or have them say to you) and what you want to keep in your back pocket to fantasize about here and there during your sexual experiences to give you that extra arousal bump. Yes, we believe it is ok to have your own fantasies running in your mind during sex with your partner (hmmmm, maybe we need to write a blog on this!).

Think about how you want your partner to look at you, talk to you, touch you and how you want to look at them, talk to them and touch them in order to get some of those feelings you so desire. Imagine how you would like your movie to start, what are some experiences that you’d like for the middle part of your movie. How does your movie end and what do you want from your partner once sex is over? Take some times to write out some hot scenarios!

For a more in-depth exploration of your cinema worthy sexual fantasies check out our recent book where we dedicate several chapters to walking you through this process. Also, keep following this series where we will share what we have seen are the most prevalent sexual movie genres and what they say about your own and your clients desires. Finally, we will give you some pointers on how to communicate with your partner and help couples through a hottest sexual movie talk!

In this series we introduce how finding the genre of your “Hottest Sexual Movie” is an important tool for self-discovery, for you and your clients. Having this vocabulary is a means to communicate desires to a partner in a way that is playful, non-judgemental and future-focused. Previously, we broke down the details of “The Romantic Movie” and what core desires it addresses. Whereas the romantic movie is about feeling deeply loved, the passionate story is about intense, insatiable desire. Rather than appealing to our very human need to feel seen and understood, the passionate story is about allowing unexplained, uncontrollable animalistic desire taking hold. In our Somatica Trainings we offer a journey of self-discovery where you have permission to explore all kinds of fantasies while learning the tools you will need to allow others to explore and share.

The passionate movie is about a connection that is a bit out of control. In modern western society, we spend years socializing our children out of animal-like behavior in order for them to behave. When the self-conscious part of your brain that tells you that you must behave can be silenced, then passion begins. There it was all along, the sensory part of you that wants to bite, grab, growl, and satisfy all of your needs. In our sexually repressed culture, many people fantasize about having passion overtake them and their lovers. The passionate sexual movie is a very common fantasy because it allows you to go beyond the constraints of being nice and compliant which, in turn, allows you to feel truly alive in your body.

Whether or not this appeals to you in theory, giving yourself permission to have experiences that are sensory and uninhibited can feel liberating. Allowing clients to explore this side of themselves can be profoundly healing and we have helped many couples try out passionate fantasies starting with something as simple as a kiss.
No action captures the essence of the passionate story more than a passionate kiss. When done right, it can express an overwhelming amount of desire and promise. We have helped many clients reignite passion on multiple levels just by nailing this one important experience.

Here are the basics of delivering a killer, Passionate Kiss:
The Look: It is important to begin with a passionate look, letting all of the animalistic desire come into your eyes and holding it.

The Build Up: Waiting before jumping into a kiss builds tension and lets you sit in the uncertainty of whether or not all the passion will be met. If you go too quickly to the kiss, you don’t allow tension and excitement to build. By waiting, you allow yourself and your lover to build to a frenzy of desire where you can’t rip each other’s clothes off fast enough.

The Delivery: Don’t be afraid to grab hair, a collar, or the back of their head and really let yourself express your passion with your mouth and tongue but also with your entire body pressed against theirs. If you feel like giving a little lip nibble- got for it.

We promise you won’t regret where this kiss can lead. Here is a story one of our male clients told us about his girlfriend’s passionate approach to sex:

Usually my girlfriend seems to be more into romance, but every once in awhile it’s like she’s possessed. It sometimes happens on vacation or when something really great happens in her life. I know it’s happening because she gets this look in her eye like I’m just a piece of meat. I know women might not like feeling like a piece of meat and, to be honest, the first time I saw it I was a little surprised, but I definitely don’t mind feeling like a piece of meat. This one time, she walked in the door wearing this really tight, sexy dress and she had that look in her eyes. Before she even got to me, she started taking her clothes off, and she just pushed me down on the bed. She started kissing me and grabbing me and taking my clothes off. She took my hands and started moving them all over her body, encouraging me to grab her ass and her nipples really hard. I could feel her grinding on me…

You get the picture. As you start to see what genre most appeals to you, don’t forget that you can always incorporate various elements of each into your special mix and encourage others to do the same. Romance and passion often go hand and hand and we give you a template for how to seamlessly integrate multiple fantasy types into your sexual encounters and to help clients do the same. Find out more about what you will learn in the Somatica Core Training here!. Stay tuned for our next post on the “Dominant/submissive” movie that uses energy, gestures and words to play with power and its relinquishment.