Resources

Here are resources and a reading list which will help guide you philosophically and practically in becoming a Somatica Sex Coach. If you are taking the Somatica Training for personal growth, read the required reading. If you are serious about making this your profession, read both the required and recommended reading.

 

Required Reading

Shame

Men, Women and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough

By Brené Brown

With continued bravery and tenacity, Brene Brown takes us on another journey to help us face one of our most challenging human emotions, Shame. She helps us understand the difference in the ways that shame arises for men and women, and helps us learn the 4 steps to shame resilience so we can move beyond shame’s crippling repression to a more joyful, expressive and pleasurable life.

Attachment


Wired for Love

By Stan Tatkin

Wired for Love offers insight into how our brain works when we are calm vs. distressed as well as a good introduction to attachment styles and differing attachment needs. Please read chapters 2-4 only.

Core Desires

Coming Together: Embracing Your Core Desires for Sexual Fulfillment and Long-Term Compatibility

By Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman

Coming Together is an in-depth exploration into what turns you on and why. Understanding these Core Desires is the key to overcoming sexless marriage, regaining the spark, and solving low desire and ED. Have the sex you’ve always fantasized about!

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment

By Jack Morin

Jack Morin presents a pleasure-focused, non-judgmental approach to understanding our deepest turn-ons and fantasies. Morin helps us all to uncover and understand our “core erotic theme”, one of the surest pathways we have found to deeply knowing exactly what you are looking for from sex and intimacy, from there you can learn how to communicate about it and share it with a partner or partners.

Relationship Repair

Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion

By Danielle Harel Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman M.A.

Making Love Real will help you take both your sex life and relationship to the next level. This guide offers a comprehensive view of emotional and sexual relationship dynamics as well as practical tools for lasting transformation. Making Love Real goes beyond hot tips and tricks to help you address your foundational human needs so that you can create a deeply trusting, passionate and sustainable relationship. Read more.

The Course of Love

By Alain de Botton

Alain de Botton shares the story of a couple who take the journey from idealized romanticism and the hope of perfect fulfillment to the realities of love in long-term marriage. His writing is an amazing combination of a fictional story and a teaching manual. Read it closely and you will learn how to empathize across differences, share and listen to feelings, and understand the inner workings of the erotic mind.

Privilege, Oppression and Trauma Empowerment

My Grandmother’s Hands

By Resmaa Menakem

In My Grandmother’s Hands, Resmaa Menakem offers a body-based description of racialized trauma, which serves to explain the daily experiences that result from a history of trauma. This book elucidates the long-term effects of oppression, helps us understand the inner workings of trauma in general, and offers tools for an embodied journey of trauma healing.

Sex Across the Gender, Sexuality, and Ability Spectrum

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sexy Life

By Emily Nagoski, Ph.D

Nagoski offers an in-depth look at the social messages as well as the science around women’s sexuality. Nagoski gives women permission and a wealth of information foundational to the exploration of their own sexual desires and physiological responses.

Cockfidence: The Definitive Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild

By Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel

Whether you are single, dating or in a relationship, this book will show you how to attract sexual desire from women and bring them to the heights of their erotic and orgasmic potential. You will find your personal power, clarify who you are and what you want in your life, and have mind-blowing sex and passionate connections with women. Read more.

Lesbian Couples: A Guide to Creating Healthy Relationships

By D. Merilee Clunis, Ph.D

Lesbian Couples is a comprehensive guide to navigating relationships between women who love women. It deals with communication, sexuality, trauma, and addiction, much of which is applicable to anyone. It also covers homophobia, coming out, and family issues particularly applicable to the lesbian community.

Blogs and information on treating Low Desire and addressing Sexual Dysfunction

Love Between Men: Enhancing Intimacy and Resolving Conflicts in Gay Relationships

By Rik Isensee

In Love Between Men, Rik Isensee covers the challenges that gay men face in creating healthy emotionally and sexually intimate relationships. He talks about the challenges of homophobia and male gender socialization and offers practical tools to resolve conflict and deepen sexual connection.

Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships:

By Juno Roche

Queer Sex is a series of interviews that offers insight into trans and non-binary people’s journey’s around their bodies and sexual expression. The deconstruction of sex needing to look a particular way offers insights for anyone wanting to have a more free, creative, and fulfilling sex life.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

By Cory Silverberg

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness is a thorough and sex-positive book, which challenges the myths around disability and sexuality and offers in-depth guidance on how to create a thriving sexual life for people across the ability spectrum.

Recommended Reading

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge

Edited by Tristan Taormino

The Ultimate Guide to Kink is a textbook on the fundamentals of risk-aware consensual kink and BDSM, with plenty of illustrations, exercises, and references, as well as a collection of important, varied perspectives from renowned practitioners, including Patrick Califia, Midori, and Mollena Williams. The twenty essays cover skills and techniques (such as bondage, impact play, rough sex, and more), fantasy and role-playing, power exchange dynamics, and personal experiences in the scene.

Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

By Tristan Taormino

For couples considering some form of non-monogamous relationship, Tristan Taramino has put together a very practical, straightforward guide on styles of non-monogamy, as well as ideas about how you negotiate your relationship needs, desires and boundaries.

Guide to Getting It On

By Paul Joannides

If you are looking for a fun, hip, and detailed guide to pleasure for men, women, and couples, look no further. The Guide to Getting it On has it all. It is a must-have for every household who is interested in keeping their sex life hot.
It is essential to read at least one book that talks overtly about women’s and men’s physiology and sexual pleasure so you have lots of ideas to offer your clients.

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

By Esther Perel

Finally, a book on affairs that deals with them in an adult manner. In the State of Affairs, Esther Perel points out that affairs have always been a part of the social fabric. However, they are such a charged issue, we never take the time to look under the surface of condemnation to see the human complexity of why people have affairs and how people feel who have been betrayed. She also gives many suggestions for how to face them, heal from them, and, sometimes even have stronger relationships as a result.

My New Gender Workbook: A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity

By Kate Bornstein

With the journey through My New Gender Workbook, Kate Bornstein offers all of us an opportunity to take a critical look at the way gender socialization and gender norms have constricted our self-expression. By exploding traditional ideas about gender, power, and sexuality, she invites us to claim our humanness and celebrate our identity, not as it is supposed to be, but as it truly is.

Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

By Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson, the godmother of masturbation, was one of the first writers to ever take on this truly taboo topic with such joyful and enthusiastic verve. In Sex for One, she talks about her women’s masturbation circles and all of the power and well-being that can come from it. She teaches techniques on how to become orgasmic through clitoral stimulation and we have incorporated many of her teachings into our coaching practice.

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships

By Christopher Ryan

Have you ever wondered if humans were meant to be monogamous? In this fascinating read, Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha make a research-based case for how our prehistoric beginnings set us up to live a more non-monogamous life. If you are interested in exploring different relationship styles this book is for you.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

By Esther Perel

Perel talks about the inherent tension in long-term relationships between domesticity and passion. While commitment, trust, closeness and excellent communication are the foundations of sharing a life, home, and children with another, passion needs distance, barriers, a synapse over which to jump in order for relationships to stay hot and exciting.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

By Bessel van der Kolk M.D

In The Body Keeps the Score van der Kolk offers an important window into the embodied experience of trauma, offering us empathy and a deeper understanding of trauma’s devastating effects. As an insider in the world of psychiatry, he challenges medicalized and cognitive approaches to trauma treatment and offers an important guide to those treatments that help traumatized clients reconnect with freedom and safety in their bodies.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

By Marshall B. Rosenberg

If you want to make your relationship better overnight, begin using the communication techniques offered in this book. When you learn how to really listen to each other, to take responsibility for your feelings and needs and for communicating them and when you learn to truly empathize with your partner, everything becomes easier!

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