A sex coach is a trained professional who helps people with sexual, intimacy and relationship issues. Sex coaches address problems such as sexless marriage, low libido, and sexual dysfunction, but also guide their clients to fully grasp their sexual potential through education, training and communication.
Why Work with a Sex Coach?
Society tells us that we are supposed to naturally know how to have sex. The desire to have sex is natural, but the skills to be a great lover or to engage fully in sex aren’t. The truth is that people need to learn how to have great sex. Social animals (including humans) learn skills through modeling and explicit instruction.
Since sex is something that is shamed in our culture, talking about it or giving explicit instruction still remains rare. People have very few good ways to learn how to have satisfying sex. A few will be lucky enough to have a partner that can teach them.
Unfortunately, most people don’t give good feedback, so many people end up not knowing what makes for great sex. This is where working with a good sex coach can be very helpful. Sex is learnable and teachable. The best way to learn about it is to get feedback from an experienced, non-judgmental and cheer-leading person.
For most people, hiring a sex coach will be one of the few ways they can get real-time and accurate instruction on how to be a better and more receptive lover. It’s most helpful if they also understand both the physiology and psychology of sex.
What Kinds of Sex Coaching are There?
Many different kinds of practices fall under the umbrella of sex and relationship coaching. Depending on your personality, your interests and your boundaries, you may be drawn to a particular approach. Here’s an in-depth description of the sub-categories of sex and relationship coaching so you can decide what suits you best.
The THree Main Types of Sex Coaching: Talk, Experiential & Hands-On
The other type of coaching is experiential sex coaching. In this method, your coach will teach you how to be a better lover through talking, experiential, and sometimes, hands-on touch practices. Experiential practices might include breathwork, how to emit and share sexual energy, and how to verbally seduce a partner.
A sub-category of experiential sex coaching is hands-on sex coaching. Some experiential coaches may use hands-on methods, while others do not. Hands-on touch practices may include teaching the types of touch that are most arousing for the skin, by touching your clients arm and having them touch yours.
What is it Like to Work with a Talk-Based Sex Coach?
Similar to life coaching, in talk-based sex coaching the client comes to the practitioner with a problem. The coach then helps them figure out what steps they can take to solve their problem. The coach may ask the client to fill out an intake form. They then meet in-person, over the phone, or via video chat for an initial session. During this time, the client and coach work together to define the problem.
The coach develops a coaching plan with steps to address the issue. At each subsequent meeting, the client talks with their sex coach about which parts of the plan they’ve accomplished, or where they feel stuck. The coach helps them keep their commitment to continuing the plan.
Talk sex coaching can cover many topics – including dating, sexual identity, sexual abuse, sex addiction, sex and aging, open relationships, communication skills, gender identity, sex in long-term relationships, and sexual dysfunction.
Talk coaches will sometimes offer homework to do outside of the session with partners or potential partners. For example, a talk sex coach may encourage a client who is interested in dating to talk to five people they are interested in. They may offer suggestions to couples such as watching a video and practicing the kinds of sensual touch they see in it.
Sometimes sex coaches help clients accept themselves or help them speak to family, friends, or loved ones about who they truly are. Talk coaches do not typically have physical contact beyond hugs or handshakes. A coach may offer emotional support by placing a hand on their client’s back or arm when needed, but this is usually the extent of touch in a talk coaching session.
A Talk-Based Coach Will Help You:
- Identify your sex coaching goals
- Talk through potential approaches
- Create a coaching plan
- Offer you emotional support, suggestions, and homework
- Help keep you motivated around your goals
What is it Like to Work With an Experiential Sex Coach?
Experiential sex coaching is where the coach takes a more interactive approach. They are guiding their client through exercises to help them feel more comfortable with their body, their sexuality, and intimacy. It begins the same way as talk-based coaching – the coach gets a good idea of the client’s goals and includes talking about their issues and strategies for improvement.
At the same time, experiential sex coaches point out that just talking is often not enough to learn new skills around sex and intimacy. In the same way that one can’t learn piano, dance, or baseball from a book. Experiential coaches teach their clients better emotional and sexual intimacy skills through practice. This may be completely verbal and not include touch, but can include things like sharing feelings or sharing sexual energy.
An Experiential Sex Coach Will Help You:
- Identify your sexual goals
- Talk through potential approaches and resolve your challenges
- Create a coaching plan with practical steps for implementation
- Sex coaches offer you emotional support and suggestions
- Give you new tools and skills to expand on your current skill set
- Provide opportunities for hands-on practice of new techniques and offer real-time feedback
- Sex coaches help keep you motivated around your goals
What is it Like to Work With a Hands-On Sex Coach?
Hands-on sex coaches may bring in some physical touch to help their clients learn how to be a more sensual or physically attuned lover. For example, they may teach better practices by touching and being touched by their clients. They would then give them guidance and feedback about how to touch and connect in a more sexy and sensual way.
In addition to all of the other tools that an experiential sex coach offers, hands-on sex coaches also:
- Provide opportunities for hands-on practice of new techniques and offer real-time feedback
Watch a hands-on sex coach at work right here (or enjoy the rest of these videos in the Somatica Sessions series.)
What is the Difference Between a Sex Coach and a Sex Therapist?
To be a sex therapist, one needs to have a degree in psychotherapy, theology, social work, or medicine. Each of these foundational trainings will include only a small amount of training around sexuality. A sex therapist may augment this training with additional sexuality training.
Sex therapy can often be a longer process where you dive into the childhood underpinnings of your emotional challenges around sex. It is often particularly helpful to those who have unresolved trauma or higher levels of dysfunction. Like sex coaches, a sex therapist may give their client homework and ask them to report on it in the next session.
Benefits of Seeing a Sex Coach
There are a lot of benefits of seeing a sex coach. Here are a few:
- Becoming more embodied and aware of your desires and feelings
- Increasing your skills around how to give and receive pleasure
- Overcoming various sexual dysfunctions – everything from erectile dysfunction (ED) to low desire
- Understanding, listening to, and expressing boundaries
- Learning tools around seduction that incorporate up-to-date consent practices
- Dating skills such as flirting and recognizing when to make the first move
What is the Best Approach for Me When Working with a Sex Coach?
When trying to choose a sex coach that is right for you, remember that deciding which of these approaches feels right for you is a very personal decision. Perhaps, in reading these different descriptions, one of them seems like it is the most helpful, comfortable, or in alignment with your personality.
It is important to make this decision with more than just your brain. Imagine talking with your coach, then doing some homework. Now imagine giving and receiving sensual touch with your coach. Which of these makes you feel most inspired?
Or are you drawn to sex coaching to expand your personal or professional tool chest? If so, you may want to learn more about how to become and work as a sex coach!
How to Become a Sex Coach
- The first step to becoming a sex coach is figure out what kind of coaching approach best suits you. Are you more interested in being a talk sex coach, or a hands-on sex coach?
- Research the offered programs and see which ones align best with your philosophy of helping people. Do you think people need to be able to practice with physical contact? And do you feel relaxed and comfortable having them practice (within boundaries) with you?
- You then need to apply to your chosen program and make sure the tuition fits your budget. Some educational institutions – like the Somatica Institute – offer access to scholarship funds and other discounts. It’s a good idea to check on those too.
- Once you have completed your sex coaching program, you likely want to go through their certification process. This additional step ensures you are well-versed in the tools you have learned.
- Finally, you will need how to market your new coaching business. This can sometimes be the most challenging part. It is helpful to find a coaching program that has a business component. For example, the Somatica Institute offers – in addition to our own certification process – help with marketing and launching your business.
Needed Skills and Qualifications
Different programs have different requirements in regards to the skills and qualifications you need to become a sex coach.
For example, at Somatica, we feel it is essential that you have a foundational comfort with your own and other’s sexual desires. It is also extremely important that you share our belief that sex should not be shamed. Being self-reflective and able to communicate your aspirations and challenges in your interpersonal relationships is also a necessity.
To be an effective and successful sex coach it is fundamental to have awareness – so you can help others gain theirs. If you are changing careers, and have never had any kind of training in the field before, you should plan on taking the training more than once.