Setting Boundaries in Relationships – Learn to Say NO

Learn to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

So you’ve set your boundaries. You know you’re likely going to hurt your partner’s feelings with them. How do you stick to your guns, say NO – and not feel remorseful?

You need to simply teach yourself how to say no without feeling guilty. It’s easiest if you remember that the essential purpose behind boundaries is to serve the relationship. Think of it this way: letting your boundaries be crossed will trigger resentment in you. You might start shutting your partner out. You could even begin to blame your partner – even though it’s really you who are not adhering to your own boundaries. Eventually, you could completely disconnect from your partner emotionally, or even leave the relationship.

In short, boundaries are the foundation of trust in a relationship and lasting intimacy. Your partner can trust you to be honest and stay in connection with them if they know you keep your boundaries too. They may be disappointed or upset by your boundaries. But it’s better to listen and empathize with their disappointment than to retreat into your own guilt.

You Can Do It!

While setting boundaries might feel difficult at first, it becomes much easier as you learn the proper language. Both you and your partner will get used to having them be a regular topic of relationship communication. For an in-depth look at why boundaries are important and how to set them lovingly, check out the book Making Love Real. Or if you’re interested in taking a deep dive into learning how to communicate your boundaries – join us for the Somatica Training.