Male Empowerment in Sex and Intimacy

In a world where men already hold a lot of power over other people, what does the term male empowerment really mean?

To find out, we have to look at the difference between the power given to men by society – and the definition of male empowerment.

Male Empowerment Definition

Empowerment is not the same as power over someone or something. Instead, empowerment stands for self-awareness, self-esteem, integrity, and the ability to uplift others. This results in a state of equality where power can be shared.

To be an effective male empowerment coach, it’s important to observe all the ways our society disempowers men – while at the same time putting them in charge of people’s lives. This formula is a recipe for disaster, and we can currently see this situation playing out all around us.

What Are Some Harmful Messages Conveyed to Men?

To understand why male empowerment is important, we first need to explore how our society disempowers men through harmful messaging. These often shame emotional expression, reinforce the provider complex, and stereotype men’s sexual needs.

1. Emotions are a Sign of Weakness

One of the most harmful messages boys and men receive is that their emotions are something to be ignored, overcome and never be displayed. This repression can lead to depression and unresolved rage. A lack of intimate expression also frequently deteriorates relationships with partners, family, friends, and children.

2. Your Job Is to Be the Stable Provider

So many men walk through their lives, feeling like it is their job to be the knight in shining armor. They feel pressured to provide emotional, physical and financial stability, and basically just keep their partner happy.

In heterosexual relationships, this means that most tension-filled conversations end when the woman feels better. Men’s feelings are repressed or ignored. For gay men, it often means avoiding these conversations altogether, as each partner is trying to take care of their own feelings.

3. You Are Inherently Better and Deserve More than Others

While it might seem like this message would have positive consequences, it actually encourages a lack of empathy in men. This separates them from others and creates loneliness.

4. You Should Want Sex – and Are Entitled To It

Societal messaging like this can have extremely harmful consequences. At worst, it results in a man feeling entitled to sex, and ends up with him crossing boundaries and violating women.

The other harmful impact is that these stereotypes also reaffirm the narrative that to be a man, you should always want sex. Therefore, men don’t take the time to discern for themselves when they want to have sex and when they don’t. To prove their masculinity, they might have sex when they don’t really want to, or with someone they don’t feel attracted to. This can lead them to the belief that they suffer from erectile dysfunction (or ED) – when really, they just aren’t feeling a connection or desire.

Man feeling overwhelmed and wondering how he can find empowerment for men

What Does Male Empowerment Look Like?

For men to feel empowered, they need to build confidence and self-esteem — the cornerstones of emotional intelligence. This ultimately allows them to:

  • Attune to their partner energetically
  • Empathize with their partner’s needs
  • Share vulnerably about their feelings, boundaries, and fears
  • Engage in mutually arousing experiences with their partner based on what each of them wants to feel during sex
  • Share loving sentiments and appreciation to their partners, friends, and family

Increase Self-Esteem

Because men are socially valued for what they can provide, they can easily feel inadequate, ultimately causing low self-esteem. Here are some clear signs that a man is struggling with low self-esteem:

  • High levels of alcohol consumption
  • Poor hygiene
  • Self deprecation, such as making jokes or negative comments about himself regularly
  • Self criticism, often manifested through constant apologizing or engaging in obsessive self-improvement campaigns

To support a man’s sense of self worth, you can:

  • Help them feel loved for who they are – not what they can do
  • Encourage them to share their feelings. Make sure you listen to them, empathize with them, and take their feelings seriously
  • Encourage them and support them in their interests outside of work
  • If you are their partner, show them your desire and attraction to them
Smiling man thinking about how to build confidence as a man

Build Confidence

If you are a man who wants to build confidence outside of your accomplishments, here are some ways:

  • Stop beating yourself up over your failures and shortcomings, and focus instead on your good qualities
  • Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes
  • Give yourself permission to feel and express your feelings
  • Let yourself follow your dreams and desires

Grow Your Sexual Prowess

Another important part of confidence for men is sexual empowerment — the ability to be comfortable with their body, sexuality, and desires. The key to gaining this sexual confidence involves:

  1. Move Beyond Shame: Embrace your Core Desires (what you want to feel during sex) and your Psychological Arousals (what you want to do during sex), whether or not you have someone to engage with.
  2. Adopt Only Enthusiastic Consent: Team up with your partner’s desire instead of trying to manipulate it. This is how you move from appearing creepy to coming across as feeling confident.
  3. Dig deeper into yourself and uncovering what you want in your sexual experiences.
  4. Learn new tools and methods to becoming an amazing lover. [ And just know – size really doesn’t matter. ]
Two gay men embracing as a healthy example of mens empowerment

Sex and Relationship Coaching Is the Key to Men’s Empowerment

Men’s empowerment coaches help men feel connected to the people around them. They work with their clients to uncover what they want relationally while teaching them new tools that cultivate interpersonal and sexual growth. If you’re a man looking for support in your personal journey, check out this directory of Somatica-trained sex and relationship coaches who specialize in men’s empowerment.

If you want to go one step further and fully transform your sex life and relationships through healing, self-acceptance, and deeper emotional intelligence, you might want to explore the Somatica training for personal growth. You can learn step-by-step how to attune, empathize, share vulnerably, have connected sex, and speak lovingly and appreciatively.

Watch the webinar as a sneak peek around what Somatica offers around male empowerment:

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