Have you ever wondered how to build emotional connection with someone in a social setting? In this third real-life episode of the Somatica Sessions video series, coach Danielle Harel teaches her client Krister how to ask for consent, build interpersonal relationship skills, and attune himself in order to stage a successful seduction.
Attunement to Open Yourself Up
Krister wants to find his confidence and inspiration – what he calls the “activation energy” – so he can reach out for connection in social situations. When he thinks about initiating, he fears he is not interesting enough or that he’s bothering them. He gets in his head and is unsure of where he fits in. His current strategy is to stand nearby and wait for some kind of invitation or natural connection to happen.
Danielle presents in the idea of attunement as something that happens when your body and brain are integrated. She invites him to enter a social situation by running pleasure circuits inside himself. Taking him through a breathwork session, she helps him start to connect with himself and his own pleasure. This self-connection and self-enjoyment is the foundation to create a circuit of mutual attraction.
As Krister becomes more embodied and less distracted, he starts to inspire and pick up Danielle’s more subtle connection cues. She points out that each of them are inside of themselves and running a circuit of aliveness between them. From this place, Krister learns to communicate without popping out of his body and into his head. He does this is by staying in the moment and bringing curiosity without an agenda.
Touch for Fostering Relaxation and Security
Krister mentions how relaxing it is for him when touch is in the mix. Touch gives him a sense of security in the connection and relaxes his whole nervous system. He and Danielle brainstorm how he can bring touch safely into a social environment. She teaches him how to escalate into touch by starting with the assumption of a yes – the assumption that he is wanted.
As they talk, he is flowing his erotic energy towards her, and they are trying to figure out how Krister can foster an approach with that. He likes to dominate and play with edges because it fills him with excitement. Danielle points out that when he approaches someone, he will need to attune first in order to make sure the other person is actually a yes. Krister is learning to escalate with ongoing consent. He practices this by coming at her with his full desire, telling her what he wants to do to her, then pausing and making sure he reads her consent cues.
At the end of the cycle of erotic connection, Krister discovers how to keep building that emotional connection instead of breaking it. He also learns to listen to the voice of his desire as the guide where he wants to escalate next. They practice together, playing with verbal seduction and dominance as he takes Danielle to new heights of arousal. He also learns to trust his own and his partner’s “YES.”
The Magic of Self Connection
In Somatica, we teach our students and clients how to follow their own desires, while staying attuned to the needs and responses of others. It can be challenging for anyone to come into a social situation and try to make connections – but someone’s got to make the first move.
At the Somatica Institute, we help you come into your body and foster pleasurable self-connection. The goal is to feel confident and be present – instead of being in your head, worrying and strategizing about what to do next. When you are embodied, you feel others more, and the likelihood of chemistry arising becomes much higher.