Have you ever wondered what happens in a sex coaching session?
If you have, you’re not alone! As experiential sex coaches, it’s one of the first questions we are asked when meeting with potential clients. Whether they’ve booked a virtual or in-person sex coaching session, people are always curious about what they should expect.
Here’s a comprehensive overview of what happens when you say, “I need a sex coach!” and book your first sex coaching session.
Step 1: Clients Share Their Goals
Whether you book a session by yourself or with your partner, the first step is to share what you hope to achieve through sex coaching. Your coach will then tailor your sessions to meet your goals.
As an individual, some goals you might consider include:
- Feeling more connected to your sexual desires, gender identity, or sexual identity
- Finding a fulfilling relationship
- Learning to become a more sensual and present lover
- Overcoming a sexual dysfunction like ED or the inability to orgasm
- Reclaiming your body to enjoy pleasure again after experiencing trauma
If you’re embarking on sex coaching with a partner, here are some additional things to tackle:
- Learning new ways to unlock a more exciting sex life
- Resolving resentments
- Dealing with incompatibilities in your sexual desires
When you come into a sex coaching session as a couple, you might not have the same goals as your partner. At the beginning of each couples session, your sex coach should encourage both of you to share your individual desires and your goals for the relationship.
Step 2: The Sex Coach Builds a Comfortable and Safe Space
Before the coaching can begin, your practitioner will first help you better connect to your body and emotions.
Intimacy requires presence, while sexual intimacy requires embodiment. If you try to do the experiential practices with an intellectual perspective instead of a present and somatically connected one — where your mind and body are attuned — you won’t feel the positive impacts.
When your sex coach builds a safe, comfortable, and accepting space where you can talk about all of your desires as well as your feelings of shame, fear, or embarrassment, you’re more likely to learn the new tools required for change.
Step 3: The Sex Coach Helps Clients Find Their “Growing Edge”
“Growing edge” is a term we use at the Somatica Institute to describe the next step in your personal growth path. An example of a growing edge could be learning how to talk to your partner in a sexy way. You will need to practice talking sexy in order to get over embarrassment or learn what to say.
An experiential sex coach will then offer somatic experiences or experiments and guide you in practicing this skill. If you’re doing these sex coaching sessions by yourself, your coach will be your practice partner. If you’re doing couples coaching, you’ll practice with your partner after your coach demonstrates how it works.
Step 4: Clients Practice What their Coach Has Modeled
Change requires practice – and now that your coach has modeled an exercise, it’s time to test your growing edge for yourself.
Here’s an example of what practicing might look like: If your growing edge is “talking to your partner in a sexy way,” your coach will first offer you some examples of sexy talk. You’ll see how it feels to hear it. Then you’ll imagine saying something sexy yourself. Finally, when you’re ready, you can experiment with repeating it while staying present and connected.
You might feel awkward, embarrassed, or even turned on during the first few practices — and that’s normal! Whether you’re learning how to talk sexy, trying new methods of sensual touch, sharing difficult emotions, or discovering any new skill, the experiential process involves repetition. [ If you want to level up, this guide on How to Talk Dirty is your ticket. ]
Step 5: The Sex Coach Checks in With How the Clients Feel
Once you’ve worked on your growing edge, your coach will ask you to reflect on the experience. This is a time to check in and see if you felt enjoyment, discomfort, awkwardness, or excitement — or a combination of them all.
There is no right or wrong answer here. As long as you share honestly, your coach can better personalize the approach. After all – if something makes you too uncomfortable, you won’t be able to use it out in the world. Your coach is there to help you fine-tune your goals and achieve them.
Step 6: The Client Applies Their New Skills to Their Everyday Life
Finally, your coach guides you through integrating your new skills into your everyday life.
For example – they might ask you to practice what you’ve learned in your sex coaching sessions the next time you’re intimate with your partner, and then report on how you felt in your next session.
Your First Sex Coaching Session Awaits
Remember: Your sex coach is not here to shape you a certain way. Their job is to experientially help you explore and embrace who you are, what you like, and what you are capable of. This will deepen your self-knowledge and help you discover what experiences, expressions, and connections you want to have.
Ready to go from “I need a sex coach!” to “I’ve booked my first sex coaching session?” Check out our directory of certified sex coaches. Or if you’re ready to take a big leap into an exciting and profitable career, consider becoming a sex coach yourself.
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