As Somatica practitioners, our goal is to help people decide what kind of emotional and erotic intimacy they want in their lives. We then teach them the tools to get there in a Somatica session.
The mindset is that you are voting for connection over protection, vulnerability over closing off, freedom of erotic choice and expression over societal rules.
As a coach, you are always making invitations towards deeper intimacy, without any pressure of personal agenda. You follow the desires of your client, their needs, their boundaries, their capacity. You stay steading, loving, holding, and always ready to celebrate the moments of authentic connection, self-expression, and empowerment.
Here’s what the arc of a Somatica session looks like:
1. Going into a Somatica Session
Somatica coaches should always enter a session from a place of intimacy and attunement with yourself. You check in, feel where you are, become present in your body.
Next, you attune to the person in front of you, letting yourself feel them, and feel what it’s like to be with them.
2. You Bring Warmth and Curiosity
In each session, you are trying to get to know your client better – and through that, help them get to know themselves better as well. You arrive with a curious attitude about the person in front of you, are warm and welcoming, and create a sense of safety that opens them up to adventure.
You want to bring them to a place of greater self-awareness – so they can experience intimacy full of pleasure and as little pain as possible.
3. You Find Their Growing Edge
Always, in the back of your mind, you are questioning “what is this person’s growing edge?”
You point out to them what you think it might be. Asking their opinion allows you to get their consent, so you can make sure they understand why they are going to try something new, and what that new tool will offer their life. You make sure it’s something they want for themselves.
4. You Offer An Experiential Practice
You identify a Somatica exercise – or create an exercise that is in accordance with the Somatica philosophy – your client can try in the present moment. It may be an experience they can have with themselves, while you guide them. Or it can be one they can have with you, while you guide them through their Somatica session.
You ask them whether they would like to try this experiment. You make sure you get their enthusiastic participation. If they don’t seem onboard, explore what is happening. Are they just nervous? Are they not ready for the exercise? Do they need to clear up some insecurities first?
6. You Practice in Real Time
By practicing in real time, you help your clients gain mastery of one of the many tools of emotional and erotic intimacy.
While you are practicing, you are likely to bump up against the blockages, fears, insecurities, and emotions something new brings up. You go slow, staying in touch with each of these blocks, feelings, fears and insecurities that arise. You do not skip them in service of completing the exercise.
It is the elicitation of these reactions, and working through each of them, that allows a person to get to the next step in their growth. You know that these kinds of changes can take a long time. You are in no hurry – you are spacious, open, loving.
7. You Integrate
Afterwards, you take some time to talk about the experience of the practice – what they felt, what they learned, how they feel now. You help them understand what just happened, and what they are learning. Explaining how it relates to what they want for themselves, you talk about how they might want to bring this out into the world (or not).
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For a deeper context, this article about “What Happens in a Sex Coaching Session” explains the experience from the client perspective, and these videos give an intimate glimpse into live Somatica sessions.
If you’re drawn to working with people around their relationship, intimacy and erotic issues, join us for our next free “Introduction to Somatica” via Zoom, or check out what it’s involved in training to become a sex and relationship coach.
We can’t wait to meet you.
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