For as long as mankind has been trying to understand human behavior, theorists of psychology have looked at childhood development as the key to interpreting how we behave throughout our lives. Since our social templates are shaped by early experiences with family and peers, our adult lives continue to be impacted by the character strategies we devise during early age.
Child development psychologists look at the key needs we have during the different stages – and what happens when these needs are met insufficiently. In those cases, we often end up with wounds that automatically drive us towards meeting these unfulfilled needs. We also form particular protective strategies.
We All Experience Unmet Needs
During our early development, each of us experiences unfulfilled needs and painful challenges. They result in us having certain core wounds. An example of a core wound might be feeling like you don’t matter, or feeling you have no choice in your life. The character strategies of dealing with these wounds help the large majority of us stay psychologically balanced. They allows us to become functional adults in the world.
Character categorization is a way for psychologists to organize and understand people based on the developmental wounds they have experienced. It also explains the mistaken beliefs and protective character strategies we use in moments of conflict, distress, or triggering. Our core desires and Hottest Sexual Movies are usually related to those core wounds.
The History of Character Strategies – and Somatica’s Contribution
Freud, Reich, and many psychological theorists after them such as Ron Kurtz of Hakomi, cataloged a set of character types. They named the behaviors that arise from unmet needs Character Strategies, and broke them into sub-categories. They are based on age, and the particular need that is supposed to be met at that age.
The core needs identified by these psychological theorists and practitioners include: safety, dependence, autonomy, power, and worth. They can be helpful in understanding yourself and your partner, and in discovering how your sexual desires were shaped.
The Somatica Method adds to previous psychological theories by outlining the ways these wounds and strategies also are key to our sexual desires. By understanding how a person missed out on certain human needs, it becomes obvious why particular sexual desires, behaviors, and fantasies are arousing to a person. You can find out all about Core Desires and better understand your own by reading the book Coming Together.
How Character Strategies are Connected to Core Desires
To understand how your character strategies are connected to your Core Desires and Hottest Sexual Movies, it’s important to know how your sexual passions and yearnings were formed.
Part of the way that we maintain our psychological well-being is through fantasies. To soothe ourselves, we long and fantasize about our experiences to be different. Or by replaying the challenging experiences – but seeing ourselves as having control over the situation.
Many of these soothing fantasies of fulfillment or re-enactment are non-sexual daydreams. They can vary from nurture-oriented fantasies – like being cared for and loved – to violent reveries of justice or retribution.
Others take on a more sexual nature. These particular fantasies allow us to transform painful experiences into experiences of pleasure. And they are ultimately part of what shapes what we long for in our sexual lives.
In other words – the sexual fantasies we developed to deal with core wounds or attain unmet needs, motivate us to seek out particular kinds of erotic experiences (like Dominant & Submissive, or BDSM, for example).
Engaging Your Core Desires Is Healing
The journey of embracing your Core Desires can be a hugely liberating experience. You learn how to get them met out in the world safely and consensually. And by seeking out and engaging with these erotic experiences, you create a different relationship with your wounds. This can be immensely healing.
The healing comes from lowering shame, as well as taking control over the hurt. When you get your Core Desires celebrated and met over and over again, the sting of the old wounds lowers and you become more resilient and confident.
How to Gain a Deeper Understanding about your Character Strategies
So how do you get to this point of identifying your own character strategies? And then use them to heal your core wounds, and develop more profound and sexier experiences?
Talking to a sex and relationship coach is always an option. For a more immersive, targeted experience, Somatica Founders Celeste and Danielle will teach a dedicated Character Strategies Training and Intimacy Workshop at the Esalen Institute on November 13 – 15,2020, and an Advanced Somatica Training on February 3-7, 2022. Join us!