Each year, we offer a 6-months training to help people deepen the erotic and emotional connections in their lives. In this training, many exercises use verbal communications and others are more tactile and touch-based. But there is also a very unique technique around erotic energy we call “Showing Yourself Out”.

Why Show Yourself Out

Showing Yourself Out is a deeply empowering experience during which you share your internal erotic energy out in the world.

With a lover, it can be profoundly arousing to fully connect with your erotic energy. You link with them from a wholly erotic place, enticing them into your sexuality and desire. It also feels good to walk through life, connected to your erotic energy, and flirt with the world in an open, engaged, and non-intrusive way.

If You Were Socialized as a Woman

As a woman, you were taught to be sexy but not sexual.

Showing Yourself Out is – first and foremost – a connection with yourself and your own erotic energy. It is tapping into the profound nature of your eroticism – and then connecting with others from this empowered, erotically-embodied place.

It is not a show – it is an intimate exercise of self expression and invitation. As a woman, this is a unique opportunity to be proud of your beautiful sexuality. To be the one who both desires and is desired – instead of only being allowed to be desired.

woman appreciating her erotic energy

If You Were Socialized as a Man

As a man you were taught to be the one who gazes and desires – but not the one who is gazed upon and desired. Also, you likely learned early on in your life that your desires are creepy. And that you live in a world of scarcity where you are supposed to jump on any invitation.

To Show Yourself Out as a man means fully embracing who you are as an erotic being. It’s a method of deeply enjoying this part of yourself, while letting go of the idea that it has to be met by another. It also proposes allowing yourself to be gazed upon and desired. And most of all – to receive this desire as a way to feel your internal flame glow warmer.

If You Were Not Included

Or maybe you found you didn’t fit neatly into any of the binary gender categories. Perhaps you are someone who grew up feeling like they did not possess the requirements to be seen as traditionally attractive. For you, Showing Yourself Out means fully embracing the beauty of your inner and outer self, shamelessly.

For trans people, people with disabilities, or those whose bodies do not fit the unattainable beauty standards of our culture – it means dressing how you want, dancing how you want, speaking how you want. Loving the body you have, or creating the body you want.

It means connecting with the profound power of your erotic self as another resource to support you in those moments when the rest of the world does not. Reclaiming yourself from other’s thoughts and opinions, and standing proudly in your true self.

How to Show Yourself Out

  1. The first time you try this technique, stand in front of a mirror or in the middle of a room where you have some privacy and feel relaxed. Later, once you feel more comfortable, you may want to try it in front of your lover while they are standing, sitting, or lying down. This will allow them to watch you in all your glory.
  2. Decide whether you want to play music, or just let the sounds of your own breath wash over you.
  3. Close your eyes and start taking some slow deep breaths, in and out through your mouth. Breath deeply into your lungs, and let the breath connect you with your pelvic floor, the center of your desire.
  4. As you breathe, begin moving and touching yourself in a way that feels arousing TO YOU. Remember – this exercise is, first and foremost, about connecting with yourself.
  5. As you deepen into connection with your erotic energy, open your eyes and look in the mirror (or at your lover). Communicate with that look the sexy, sensual way you feel inside.
  6. Walk towards your reflection or lover – or even get on your hands and knees and crawl forward – maintaining eye contact and connection.In this video – starting at 2:27 – we show you how erotic energy can be summoned and shown to a lover:

Take This With You and Share It

The most important thing is to fully let yourself feel your erotic energy. Relish your arousal and let yourself be seen in all of your beauty and power. See what it feels like to walk in the world with this kind of self-possession and self-connection – and without expectation of anything in return. We think you just might like it!

Curious to learn more? Join us for one of our upcoming Free Intros to Somatica or explore our YouTube Channel!

Betty Dodson – known to many as the godmother of women’s masturbation – was the motivation I needed to change my career

Betty Dodson, sex educator and godmother of masturbation

But it’s probably best if I’d start my story a bit further back.

My First Forays into Sex Education

I was brought up in Israel. My family wasn’t particularly liberal or conservative when it came to sex or sex education – they simply didn’t talk about it. I guess the best way to describe me as a teenager was to say I was a sex nerd. I didn’t have access to any sexy books, so I ended up reading Masters and Johnson. And I fantasized about how cool it would be to be a sex researcher myself. Back then, it never even occurred to me that I might be able to make my own mark in the sexuality field.

During my early adulthood in Israeli, I studied psychology and social work. I worked mostly with addiction recovery. When I moved to California, I was in transition. I knew I didn’t want to continue a social work career. I also knew however I would have to basically start over anyway. So I embarked on teaching childbirth education and loved it – but I also sensed something was missing. I felt I wanted to do something new and inspiring. Yet at the same time I also wanted to continue to support and empower women. 

One day, I was having a conversation with a friend and we were talking openly about sex, relationships, and childbirth. She was studying to be an MFT at the time and, in the middle of the conversation, she stopped and said: “I was thinking about you recently. We watched this movie in class about Betty Dodson, and I thought you will be so great at doing what she is doing”.

Intro to Betty Dodson

I had no idea who Betty Dodson was – so I really wasn’t prepared for what was coming. We scheduled a screening with a group of women friends, and got a hold of a copy of her DVD showing a Bodysex Workshop. After we all had a glass of wine, I popped in the DVD. A few seconds later, we were watching a circle of 8 or so naked women masturbating with big, white Hitachi magic wand vibrators.

Betty Dodson with vibrator

Immediately my face flushed with discomfort. I was fine with what I saw on the screen, but felt quite embarrassed to be watching it in the presence of friends. Little did I know that less than 2 years later, I would be teaching hands-on adult sex education myself.

Unraveling the Mystery of Betty Dodson

After my friends had left, I jumped on my computer to do research into Betty Dodson.

Betty Dodson began her work as a sex-positive feminist in the late 60’s and early 70’s, when a huge wave of feminism was moving through the US. She started out as an erotic artist, but quickly became one of the early pioneers of the women’s pleasure movement

Shaking her fist at Freud’s assertion that the vaginal orgasm was more mature, she taught women to reclaim their clitoris as the center of pleasure. She held masturbation circles in her living room so women could discover their pleasure in real-time. She wrote a book on masturbation, released multiple educational videos, and taught many thousands of women how to orgasm for the first time – and many times after.

And today – at age 90 – she is still passionately teaching and advocating for women’s pleasure, albeit via more modern channels like Netflix’s Goop Lab Series.

Following in Betty’s Footsteps

After that night, I ordered my first magic wand with some attachments, and began my masturbation practice. Thanks to Betty Dodson, I went from having only one orgasm to becoming multi-orgasmic.

Shortly thereafter, I signed up to get my PhD at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. I learned about the Institute when I was researching Betty Dodson. It turned out she got her PhD there, and that the school was full of students who were sex enthusiasts, entrepreneurs, and leaders in the field of sexuality.  

Also, thanks to Betty Dodson, I became a sex coach and later created the Somatica Method of sex and relationship coaching. I followed in her footsteps as an experiential sex educator. I believe that experiential practices are how people learn best when it comes to sex and intimacy.

So much appreciation to you, Betty, for birthing me into this incredible career of mine. Now I’ve not only watched your videos in a group of people without blushing – I may even have led and participated in few masturbation circles of my own…

Yours,

Danielle

Have you ever experienced toxic shame and wondered how you can overcome it?

In this second episode of our Somatica Sessions video series, Danielle walks Dori through shame therapy and explains the psychological effects of shame.

Exploring The Roots of Shame

In her current relationship, Dori feels she is the “more needy” partner, which is not her usual experience of relationships. This causes her to feel a sense of shame for having needs at all. Danielle helps her explore the roots of this shame by taking her into an Inner Child Visualization. 

When Dori goes back into her inner child, she lands on a memory where she is left alone in her crib while her parents play with and dote over her brother. As a small child, Dori’s needs and feelings were ignored, which caused her to start to feel a sense of toxic shame. She disconnected from her needs in order to survive the feelings of hurt and rejection.

 

Celebrating Needs as Beautiful and Necessary

As Danielle brings Dori into this inner child space, she offers her loving attachment and a strong belief in the idea that Dori’s needs and feelings are very important. She helps Dori express her fears and sadness about not being able to have needs as a child, and helps her see that her needs are actually beautiful. Just because her parents did not meet her needs doesn’t mean she has to stop needing.

Once Dori begins to embrace her needs as beautiful, Danielle helps her separate this idea from the reality that those needs won’t all be able to be met in her relationship with her lover. A lot of the session is actually attachment work, as Danielle stays connected and celebratory about Dori’s needs, always embracing and never shaming Dori for having as many needs as she has.

 

Healing Shame by Staying Resilient to Unmet Needs

One key concept of the Somatica philosophy is that a person’s needs are beautiful – whether or not they get met. The truth of being human is that we all have many needs and that they won’t all get met – and they certainly won’t all get met by one person. When people realize they can celebrate their needs – instead of shaming them – they can advocate for themselves and still stay resilient when those needs are not met.  In other words, they can allow themselves to have needs – without feeling like unmet needs are proof that their partner does not love them.

Intrigued by Somatica? Learn more about the Core Training or attend one of our free intros!

We are excited to announce that the Somatica Institute can now count itself among the elite group of BBS Approved CEU Providers.

bbs approved ceu provider

If you are a mental health professional in search of a CEU for MFT course, perhaps you’d like to add sex and intimacy tools to your practice.

For both couples work and individual work, having the skills to help people embrace their sexual desires can greatly enhance your ability to support your client’s life. We can provide you with the tools to assist your clients with deepening attachment, know what turns them on, ask for what they want, and assert their boundaries.

These training are also suitable for Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW) and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselors (LPCC) looking for continuing education units.

CEU Approval

In order to get CEU approval, we went through an in-depth application process with the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS). As a result, we are now CAMFT CEU approved (this is approval through the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists). The Somatica Institute offers CAMFT CEUs for classes to help licensed practitioners work with clients around issues related to sexuality and relationships.

CEU Approval Guidelines

As a BBS approved CEU provider, the Somatica Institute and like organizations must follow particular professional guidelines. They include such requirements as providing a designated program administrator, and instructional methods that actively engage the learner. Thus, if you are looking for CEU for MFT classes, you can be assured our classes have been assessed, and follow these and all other guidelines.

How to Get Your Units

When you apply for a Somatica Training for Professional Development, make sure to let us know that you would like to receive LCSW, LPCC or LMFT continuing education units. We will track the hours you attend the course and you can get CEU credits for them. That’s all you need to do.

So, for a more holistic approach to supporting your clients in every area of their lives, check out our Core Coach Training on Sex & Relationships and join our merry group of certified coaches.