Tag: Couples training

What Couples Tell Us about their Traditional Therapy Experience

We have couples calling us every day looking for help around sex and intimacy. Here are some things we hear from them:

“We had a wonderful couple’s therapist. They helped us so much with our communication and connection, we are fighting way less and feel much closer, but they really had nothing to offer when it came to sex.”

Or

“We came to therapy to talk about sex and our therapist said that we should make time for sex, so we did, but we had no idea what to do when we got there. It was awkward.”

If you are a therapist or a professional that works with couples and want to help all of your clients, and especially couples, with the full range of what they need, sex is an essential ingredient. It’ is also a huge part of what falls apart in coupledom.

The Myth of Intimacy

“My therapist said that sex is the cherry on top, and if we have a good connection sex will follow. Well, that didn’t happen to us…”

Creating emotional intimacy is usually not enough to get people sexually connected again.

We Help You Understand Sex

In our Somatica Couple’s Training, we offer a set of practical tools that can really help detangle sexual issues, bridge differing turn-ons and desires, and get to a place where couples can make their sex lives hot, connected, and expansive. In addition to helping you work with couples around sexuality the class also offers powerful tools for attachment, dealing with disappointment in relationship, and repair.

I’m Elena and two years ago, I attended the Somatica Couples Training offered by Celeste & Danielle, after which I added working with couples to my practice. As a Somatica practitioner the most rewarding, and often most challenging, work I do is coaching couples who want to improve their relationship and sexual connection. I believe that relationships are one of the most profound contexts in which we grow, heal, and change. Facilitating this in my practice is incredibly fulfilling for me personally and professionally and learning the Somatica approach to couples’ work has been invaluable. Somatica Couples Training offered by Celeste & Danielle, after which I added working with couples to my practice. As a Somatica practitioner the most rewarding, and often most challenging, work I do is coaching couples who want to improve their relationship and sexual connection. I believe that relationships are one of the most profound contexts in which we grow, heal, and change. Facilitating this in my practice is incredibly fulfilling for me personally and professionally and learning the Somatica approach to couples’ work has been invaluable.

Whether a couple is coming into my practice at the beginning of their relationship with the goal of a strong start, or after years together and a desire to shift old patterns and blocks and have better sex and deeper intimacy, I have the tools and skills to support them. Here are a few of key lessons I learned from the Somatica Couples Training:

1. Skills for relationships and sex are learnable. We live in a society that is, in many ways, just now starting to talk about sex and adult attachment in functional ways. But most of us have grown up with a huge deficit when it comes to knowledge about how to feel deeply connected and to know, and go after, what we want erotically.

2. Communication is key. A significant part of couples’ work is translation – getting to the feelings, desires, and unmet needs under the story being told. Translating for couples not only helps them to see one another in a new light, it models a more loving way of communicating and empathizing with one another.

3. Radical acceptance. This means helping people see that whether it’s how you load the dishwasher or how you have an orgasm, everyone is unique – not bad or good, just different.

4. Not all of our needs will be met by one person. Part of being a great couples coach is helping a couple to understand and accept this, and to see what options are available when one or both have unmet needs. It may be learning to be with disappointment from a place of empowered choice, or it may mean exploring alternative relationship choices.
5. We all need a balanced combination of secure attachment and personal freedom to thrive. Somatica holds that both secure attachment and individuation are necessary for a healthy sense of self and a strong sense of connection. Supporting and educating couples in navigating both offers a new perspective and a lot of safety and permission.

5. We all need a balanced combination of secure attachment and personal freedom to thrive. Somatica holds that both secure attachment and individuation are necessary for a healthy sense of self and a strong sense of connection. Supporting and educating couples in navigating both offers a new perspective and a lot of safety and permission.

6. “It’s all one river,” as Danielle says. Traditional therapy has made incredible strides connecting the psyche, the body, and emotions but sex is often glaringly left out. How sex and eroticism work – psychologically, emotionally, and physiologically – is one of the most unique and valuable offerings of the Somatica Method.

7. As a practitioner, I bring my full self in service of my clients. I have learned that flirtation, play, empathy, and nonjudgmental acceptance of both partners’ experience is vital. My experiences, my authenticity and vulnerability, and my sexuality all help me attune to and track where a couple needs to go and what tools to use when.

Not only has the Somatica Couples Training given me the confidence and a solid foundation for working with couples, it played a significant part in transforming my own relationships and allowing my partner and I to shift and grow through some major life changes.

  • Elena is a Somatica Sex and Relationship Coach with offices in San Jose, San Francisco, and the East Bay. She loves to help the couples she works with have profoundly loving and sexy connections. She is also the mother of a beautiful son.